Imagine someone holds a big, warm cookie right in front of you. But instead of giving you the whole cookie, they break off one tiny crumb and hand it to you.
That tiny crumb does not fill your tummy. It just makes you want the whole cookie even more! So, you wait and wait for them to give you more.
Grown-ups do this same thing, but not with cookies. They do it with feelings.
I help people learn how to be good friends and how to find good love. A long time ago, I let people give me “crumbs” of love. It made me feel very sad and confused.
Now, I know better. And I want to help you understand it, too.
What Are Romantic Love Memes?
First, we need to talk about phones. Do you know what romantic love memes are?
Romantic love memes are funny pictures on a phone or computer. They are made to make people laugh about liking someone. Grown-ups look at romantic love memes all day long.
But here is a big problem. Some romantic love memes make bad things look okay. They show people being ignored. They show people crying over someone mean. When we look at romantic love memes like this, we might think it is normal to be treated badly.
It is not normal. You deserve the whole cookie! You should never let a funny phone picture trick you into thinking crumbs are enough.
The Crumb Game
When someone gives you just a little bit of loveâjust a crumbâit is a game. They want you to stay close, but they do not want to play with you all the way.
How do you know if someone is playing the crumb game? Here are six easy signs to look for.
Sign 1: The Hot and Cold Game
One day, they are super nice. They talk to you a lot. They make you feel very happy.
But the next day? Poof! They are gone. They do not talk to you at all. It feels like they forgot your name.
Then, a week later, they pop up again and say, “I miss you!” This is the hot-and-cold game. It makes your head spin. A truly nice person does not play hide-and-seek with your heart.
Sign 2: The “Maybe Later” Game
They say things like, “We should go to the park!” or “Let’s get ice cream soon!”
That sounds very fun! But when you ask, “What day should we go?” they say, “Oh, I am very busy. Maybe next time.”
They always say “maybe.” They never say “yes.” A good friend will pick a day and show up. A crumb-giver talks about it but never does it.
Sign 3: The Dark Time Text
This is a big one. Do they only talk to you when it is dark outside and time for bed?
If someone only wants to talk to you late at night, they do not really want to be your friend. A real friend wants to talk to you in the bright daytime, too. They want to know how your day is going.
Sign 4: Just Looking, Not Talking
Think about the romantic love memes we talked about. People love to look at pictures on their phones.
A crumb-giver might look at all your pictures. They might press the “like” button. But do they actually talk to you? Do they call you on the phone? Do they come to your house to play?
Looking at a picture is very easy. Talking and playing take real time. Do not let a “like” on a phone trick you into thinking they care.
Sign 5: Big Words, No Action
Some people are very good at talking. They might say, “You are my favorite person!” or “I like you so much!”
But look at their feet. Where do their feet take them? Do their feet walk over to your house? Do they help you when you are sad?
If they say big, nice words but their actions are mean or lazy, do not listen to the words. Actions are much louder than words.
Sign 6: Making Up Stories for Them
When someone is mean to us, our brain tries to fix it. We make up stories to feel better.
We say, “Oh, they are just busy today.” Or, “They are just tired.” Or, “They do not know how to use the phone.”
Stop making up stories for them! If they wanted to be nice to you, they would be nice. It is that simple.
How to Win the Game
You do not have to play the crumb game. You can say “no thank you” and walk away. Here is how to be strong:
- Do Not Feed the Birds. If a bird flies to your window and you give it one crumb, it will keep coming back. If you stop giving the crumb, the bird will fly away to find food somewhere else.
If a crumb-giver sends you a message, you do not have to answer. If you do not give them a crumb, they will go away.
- Be Your Own Best Friend. When I was waiting for crumbs, I forgot to love myself. You are very special. You are smart. You are fun. Treat yourself like a best friend. Buy yourself the cookie! Do not wait for someone else to give it to you.
- Find the Cookie Givers. There are good people in the world. Some people want to give you the whole cookie. They will call you in the daytime. They will make real plans. They will not make you feel sad.
Do not spend time with people who make your tummy feel worried. Spend time with people who make your heart feel safe and happy.
Next time you see romantic love memes on a phone, remember this story. Laugh at the funny picture if you want. But do not let the picture trick you. You are not a little bird looking for crumbs. You are a strong, amazing person who deserves the biggest, best cookie in the jar.
